Hidden Pain
by Yomico
Summary: They called her weak, but she was strong. It's just that her strength is hard to see, hard to understand. He most certainly didn't see it. He glossed over it like it was nothing. She knew her strength and she used it to store her pain, to force it into a small corner of her being where no one could ever see it. But pain doesn't just go away; it always comes back. (NaLu) *ON HOLD*
1. Chapter 1

_Well. This little piece of wonder has been stewing in my OneNote for a good month, and I've decided to_ _publish it. Review are much appreciated._

 _~YOMICO~_

The situation was awkward, to say the least.

"The original plan was for Lisanna to be part of the team, and since she came back we want to go with the plan." The pink-haired man in front of me shuffled his feet.

"What are you saying?" I spoke without emotion, careful to keep neutral. I was going to make this as hard as I could for them. He drew a hesitant breath.

"We want you off the team, Luce." Natsu refused to look me in the eye.

"Why?" I would not break, I would survive this.

"Because you hold us back with your vulnerability." Erza spoke up. I nodded, encouraging them to keep going, but I didn't know why.

"You're weak and we always end up saving you. The team would be more successful without you." Gray finished it off for them. I found myself nodding again.

"Okay. Have fun on your next mission." I smiled and walked to the bar, leaving my stunned ex-teammates behind. Had they been expecting tears, disbelieving stutters? Lisanna was chatting with Mira, and ignoring the hurt in my chest I decided to join them.

"Lucy! I got your milkshake ready!" Mira noticed me almost immediately and shot me her sweet smile. I grinned in return and took a long sip, sighing in content as the cold, sweet taste slipped down my throat.

"What's your next mission?" Lisanna leaned against the bar, her bright blue eyes focused on my face. I turned to face her, carefully searching for a hint of triumph or boasting. Nothing.

"Oh, I'm not part of the team anymore." I replied easily.

"Huh? Why not?" Lisanna and Mira both looked at me with concern. Did they really not know?

"They want you to go with them instead." I told Lisanna. She stared at me in speechless shock, confusion and hurt fluttering around in her eyes.

"I don't want to, not if it hurts you." She said. My gut told me she was sincere.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt. I kind of figured from the start that I was your placeholder. Honestly," I lifted my hand to keep her from protesting. "I'm not mad, I promise. You'd fit their team better anyways."

"No! Lucy, I won't do this to you!" She shook her head as if she was trying to wake up from a nightmare.

"Fine. Then go for me." I said gently. Mira had tears in her eyes, just a few small specks in the corners.

"Are you sure?" Lisanna whispered. I nodded enthusiastically, a smile bright on my face.

"Of course. Now, off you go! Keep the hotheads in check, will you?" I sent her on her way with a gentle shove and she hesitantly walked over to her waiting team. They greeted her with open arms and pulled her along on their mission, the white-haired woman shooting me one last glance before the door shut behind her. I made sure that she could see my smile.

"Lucy, how… how can you be so…" Mira struggled with her words. I shrugged.

"I don't know, but I like the idea of Lisanna with them." I did, didn't I? Right?

"I'm sorry, Lucy." She said quietly and I smiled.

"It's fine, really, Mira. Don't work yourself up over it."

I stored away the pain for later. One day I would let it out and feel the hurt, but that wasn't today. I was Lucy, the bright celestial mage of Fairy Tail, always happy, always cheerful. I was accepting and forgiving, and my smile was always there.

But pain doesn't just go away. It stays in the little corner you stuff it into, waiting patiently and biding its time better than any predator. Then, when you are at your weakest, it tackles you in a flying leap that you can't stop and you drown in it, the pain and hurt and betrayal eating away at you. That's just what pain is, what it does. Who am I to stop it?

It's been a week. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. I took on simple solo missions, once in a while going on a job with Lisanna as my partner. I really enjoyed having her around when the team wasn't there. She was kind, smart, funny, and strong. I admired her like I would an older sister. I felt no hate towards her, no dark feelings. What happened was not her fault.

The team refused to look me in the eyes. They would find ways to avoid me, to get around answering my greetings and requests. They make every encounter terribly awkward and humiliating for all of us.

Lisanna skipped all that crap like the trash it was. She hung out with me, talked to me, we went shopping together and had a sleepover. She never sulked on the topic, never avoided me. She knew how to handle it and she did it well.

My pain was stored in a little black box, buried deep within my being.

Then my stability broke into shards, and I couldn't keep up. I took a simple job, something about dealing with a problematic pervert terrorizing village girls. I went in and found a dark mage. He looked me over like I was a particularly tasty treat.

"Oh, the pain dripping from your heart! Such pain, such exquisite pain! Tell me, who was it? Your lover? Your family? Someone terribly special? I must know where the pain comes from! Tell me, tell me!" He kept muttering those words, drooling like a rabid dog. I took care of him with pathetic ease, but he did manage to grab my wrist. The small contact was enough to destroy my life.

That same night I lost my mind. Sheer agony ripped through me in waves and brought me to my knees. I couldn't let it out, I couldn't stop it. As much as it was trying to rip me apart, I recognized the pain as my own and fought to hold it down. The pain of losing mama, papa, Michelle. The hurt from every taunt that I had ever received. The hurt of being stabbed in the back by my former team. I never realized just how much pain I had been holding back. The agony ended sharply on its highest note and I collapsed, shaking and exhausted. Forcing myself to get up, I finished the walk to my apartment and fell face-first onto my bed. At least Natsu never came by anymore. Flipping over and fixing my position, I ran my hand through my hair and pulled out the ponytail.

See, Natsu? I'm strong, stronger than you'll ever be, but it's not the strength you can appreciate.

I knocked on the door, three sharp hits. Master answered and I pushed it open, stepping into his disaster of an office.

"What can I do for you, Lucy?" The tiny man glanced up from a stack of paperwork.

"I need to leave the guild." I wasn't rushed. I could stay here all day, but the final outcome would not change. I had to leave before I hurt anyone.

Another spasm had hit last night, and it hit hard. I wanted to rip out people's throats, run around and wreak carnage on the people who hurt me. I needed something, _anything_ that would make it stop. I pushed it down again, but barely. No, I had to leave before I couldn't hold myself together anymore.

"Why?" Makarov's eyes were filled to the brim with confusion and sorrow. Right then I knew that I had the upper hand. He would listen, and he would accept. He would let me go.

"I would like to train, become stronger. Some… recent developments have come to my attention, and this is a matter I must deal with alone." I kept it as vague as possible. He merely nodded and I held out my hand so he could erase the mark. A single brush was all it took. I was no longer Fairy Tail.

"Promise me one thing, Lucy." His voice was gravelly, and I felt bad for hurting the old man. "Promise that you will return."

"Of course I will, Master." I replied with a small smile. "I promise."

He knew that a celestial mage never breaks their promises.

I wrote them all letters. Every single one of them. Some were longer than others. None took up much time. I think Lisanna's was the longest, but there was a lot I needed to say. I slipped my arms through the straps on my backpack and walked through the town, stopping by the post office to drop off the mound of envelopes. The clerk was annoyed, to say the least, but she still managed a smile. Kind of like me. I picked out the cheapest train to Hanuri, a little town on the edge of a massive forest, and settled into an empty compartment. I was joined by two men and a woman, all strangers. The woman struck up a conversation with me and we passed the time with mindless chatter about the latest trends, weather, news and meaningless stuff like that. When I felt the pain creep up on me, I politely excused myself and slipped out into the hallway, making my way through cabins until I emerged at the end of the chain. Gripping the railing for support, I focused on the wind whipping around my face and rode through the pain with clenched teeth and closed eyes. When the moment was over I stayed on the little bridge, watching the horizon disappear with every mile the train conquered.

"You know, running away won't help you." I didn't turn around, recognizing the voice as that of the woman from my compartment. She walked over and stood next to me.

"I know," I said softly, "but it's better than staying and waiting for myself to break. I wanted to hurt them." I didn't know why I was telling her about my problem.

"How much hurt do you have?" She asked, her voice awed. I finally turned to face her.

"A bunch, apparently." I forced a small smile onto my face and she immediately backhanded me. "The hell—"

"Don't you dare do that to yourself." She hissed. I looked at her, stunned. Her emerald eyes were brimming with fury, the rough wind tumbling through her russet hair. "Don't you dare force that smile onto your face."

"Why not?"

"Because you never did anything to deserve that much pain. I know what's going on, and I can't believe you would hurt yourself like that." She was still fuming and I let out a tiny giggle. She looked ready to pulverize me on the spot.

"Tell me, then." I turned so that my back was to the railing. Her eyes became questioning. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's _wrong_." She spat, then sharply relaxed. "I'll tell you if you come with me."

"Come where?"

"I don't know. Wherever we feel like it." Her voice became slightly sad.

"Sure. I'm Lucy, by the way." I offered my hand and she took it, her handshake firm and her palm calloused.

"Brenna." She replied and I smiled for real.

"Nice to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

We disembarked in Hanuri and snagged a small room at the local inn before going on a decidedly long stroll. Walking past an army of small shops and cafes, I waited for Brenna to gather her thoughts. She began to talk while we got distracted by a swarm of ducks in Hanuri's central park.

"I'll start with the problem." She said slowly, giving away a piece of bread to particularly greedy female with gorgeous brown feathers. "You and I, we share a curse. I don't know where you got yours from, but it winds down to the same issue – pain. The spell finds every little nugget of pain you've ever held down and collects them all into a massive snowball that rolls down the hill and takes you with it."

I crouched, reaching out over the water to offer a strip of bread crust.

"There is a rumored cure, but it's a shaky theory at best." Emerald eyes burned holes in the side of my head. "You have to let the pain roll all the way to the bottom of the hill."

I knew exactly what she meant.

"How do you deal with it?" I asked, drawing back my hand as a violent little male snapped in my direction.

"I train my body, then I try to deal with it like it's a physical enemy." She said, her voice soft. "It doesn't work nearly as well as whatever you do."

"I don't do anything. I just hold it back until it tires and goes back to sleep." I made another attempt to feed the male and he rejected me just as rudely.

"No way." I looked up to see pure disbelief in her eyes. "You're that strong?"

"I guess." I replied with a shrug.

"Amazing. Looks like we can both learn from each other." she muttered. I noticed that she never smiled, not even a ghost of a grin touched her lips. "When do you think you started to gather the pain?"

"Oh, way back when my mother fell ill. I was pretty young, around ten. After her death, my father turned his back on me and I hurt worse each time I showed the pain. When you show people how much you hurt, they back away and abandon you, so you don't show it." I straightened out and we began to walk away from the lake.

"No wonder you wanted to hurt them. That's a hell of a long time to gather pain. I only started a couple years ago." Brenna's curls of russet tumbled down her back in a thick sheet. "The more you have stored, the worse it becomes."

"Figures." I linked my fingers behind my back. "Well, let's get stronger, shall we?"

Something lit up in Brenna's eyes, something new and hopeful. I thought I glimpsed the ghost of a smile.

"Of course."

The guild stared at the pile of mail the postal team had dumped on the doorstep of the guild. Slowly, Lisanna walked up to the tumbling mass and pulled out the top one.

 _To: Lisanna Strauss, Fairy Tail Guild_

 _From: Lucy_

She swallowed her tears and turned to face the watching people.

"They're from Lucy." She could barely get the words out. Immediately, people ran to the pile and dug through it in a desperate search for their letter from the missing mage. Lisanna slowly made her way to the riverbank and sat on the grass, watching the river swirl and tumble past. Her hands moving in a daze, she popped the seal and let the thick piece of paper fall onto her lap.

 _Dear Lisanna,_

 _Come to think of it, this probably isn't the easiest choice for any of us. It could be the hardest, for all I know, but that's life, isn't it?_

 _I left the guild. It really boils down to that, but I'll tell you the reason. Try to keep it to yourself, since I wrote to the others who need to know too, but you get the purest version of the truth._

 _My last job went wrong. I handled it with ease, don't worry, but I believe I was cursed by the dark mage I had to take out. That same night I lost my mind to pain that I knew was my own. I had no idea I had kept so much pain within me, but what's done is done. I wanted to hurt you all and I couldn't have that. I left to protect you all from myself, and once it goes away I'll come back. I promise._

 _Don't you dare blame yourself. It's not your fault, no matter how you want to twist it. You didn't make me hide the pain of losing my mother, my father, and my little sister. Maybe if I had talked to someone about it we wouldn't be having this one-sided conversation, but here we are. Please, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault._

 _I think I'm going to miss you the most. I admire you like a sister, your strength and your kindness. I know I'm strong too, but I'm strong in a different way. I'm strong in a way most people can't appreciate, can't understand, and I'm fine with that. Think of it as my little secret. I'm practically bulletproof – metaphorically, of course._

 _Keep your head high for me. Tell others about your pain, don't hold it back. I couldn't bear it if you had to go through the same thing as me. If that pyro gets on your nerves, if he hurts your feelings, tell him – give him a smack if he's too dense. Stay strong, Lisanna, and I'll be back before you know it._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy ;)_

Hot tears fell onto the paper, staining it with smudges and letting the ink spread. Lisanna sobbed into her hands, her shoulders shaking with each breath. She wouldn't blame herself, not if Lucy didn't blame her, and she would stay strong. Forcing her feet to work, Lisanna pushed herself to stand and walk back to the guild. The Fairy Tail she found was broken.

People were scattered around the room, crying or staring into empty space. Food and drinks were untouched, any chance at fun shattered into pieces. No one had expected this. No one.

Lisanna made her way over to the bar where Mira was losing herself in her work, wiping mugs with a haze in her eyes. A lone tear streaked down her face.

"Stay strong, sis. Stay strong for her." Lisanna whispered to her sister, taking the mug out of her hands and embracing her in a gentle hug.

"Of course." Mira returned the hug and wiped the tear away. "Of course I will."

Lisanna gave a small smile and her sister returned it.

"We gotta go find her!" Natsu's shout rang through the silence. People perked up immediately, the idea giving them hope and energy.

"Yeah!" The roar of agreement echoed through the guild and chaos ensued, people searching up what they could based on what little Lucy had given them. Levy was lost in the guild library along with the Shadowgear duo and Gajeel, all searching for a possible curse. The stillness and gloom was replaced with enthusiastic energy.

"C'mon, Mira. Let's go help Lucy." Lisanna said with a warm smile and led her sister around the bar. They dove into the frenzy with gusto, letting themselves drown in the work. No matter what, Lucy would not go through this alone.


	3. Chapter 3

The search for information was making little progress. They had several vague leads, none of which look promising. Lisanna puffed out a short breath and turned to Natsu.

"We should send out search parties while others search for information. Have them stay connected by lacrima." she suggested. "I could lead one—"

"No. If you find her you'll just make her curse worse." Natsu cut her off, his eyes dark. His words were like a slap to the face.

"Fine. Unfortunately for you, you aren't my boss, so don't try to order me around." She snapped. Natsu bared his teeth in a small snarl as Lisanna whirled around and strolled to the bar, refusing to let his furious stare intimidate her. She would stay strong for Lucy.

"Mira, I'm going to the library." Lisanna called to her sister, who responded with a wave and a cheerful call of good luck. A tiny smile crept across Lisanna's face as she heard Natsu's enraged shout that she simply ignored and took off at a run. She stopped at a perfume store and sprayed herself with the smelliest thing she could find, using just enough to mask her scent, before burying herself in the library. A small idea formed in her mind and she scanned he shelves with a hidden excitement before grabbing the book she wanted. Sure enough, there it was, smack dab in the middle.

The curse of Hidden Pain.

Checking the book out took her less than a minute and before she knew it she was holed up in a small corner, her nose buried in a mass of papers. A few hours later she left for the guild, her mind running over the information. No one would like what she had found, that much she knew for certain.

Nobody noticed her return until she lifted the book into the air and shouted, "I found it!"

Heads snapped to face her, expression ranging from relief to joy to irritation. She ran to Levy's table and flipped through the pages until she found the passage and she shoved to book at the solid script mage, gesturing for her to read it out loud. The silence was heavy and tense as Levy picked up the book.

"Hidden Pain, a curse that stems from the need to express negative emotions. The spell is mostly forgotten, but a few individuals are known to possess the ability to cast this curse onto others. Hidden Pain forces any strong negative emotions such as hate, anger, loathing, hurt, and disgust to the surface, causing the affected to relive the pain afresh. Resulting symptoms range from simple headaches to the desire to inflict pain onto themselves or others. A very common high-level reaction is to try and eliminate the source of the pain. The curse acts in spasms that gradually get worse." Levy paused for breath. The whole guild could have vanished and it wouldn't have made a difference: there was not a single sound in the entire building. "There are no certain cures. However, one rumored remedy that has been said to work involves the affected succumbing to the curse and fighting to remain sane while speaking of their pain to its cause. Failure results in insanity and a forced coma or death."

"So Lucy left… to protect us?" Wendy whispered, her voice filled with horror. A dull thud followed by the sound of breaking wood rang through the hall right before the guild doors slammed shut. Lisanna knew it was Natsu, and she didn't dare try to stop him.

"It's all our fault." Erza muttered. Her armored fists were clenched and shaking. Gray's hair hung over his eyes, hiding his expression, but his rock-hard jaw gave him away.

"I don't think it was just you." Carla stepped in with a small sniff. "The chances of your little scene causing enough pain for the worst symptoms are very small."

"Maybe not that exact phrasing, but she's right." Cana joined after a hefty swing of beer.

"Lucy lost her mother when she was little, and then her father during the seven-year gap." Mira added, her hands once again busy wiping tankards.

"It's not your fault, Erza. It's mine." Lisanna muttered, brushing stray tears out of her eyes. "I should've realized that she was lying when—"

"Are you calling her a liar?!" Gray shouted at her, his anger mounting.

"She said it was okay! She said it didn't hurt, and I believed her! She told me to go with you _for her_!" Lisanna screamed back, letting her tears fall freely.

"Now who's lying, you—" Gray's outburst was cut off as Juvia landed a solid slap on his cheek. He stayed silent, shocked out of speaking.

"Juvia believes Lisanna because Juvia went with Lisanna and Levy for a sleepover when Team Natsu and Wendy were away on a job. Juvia heard Love Rival tell Lisanna that Love Rival wanted Lisanna to go with Team Natsu for Love Rival." The blue-haired woman clipped her words. "Gray will not harm Juvia's friends over a false assumption. Gray will regret it later and Juvia does not want that. Juvia knows that Love Rival and Lisanna are very good friends."

"She's right, Gray." Levy said quietly. Gajeel's arm snaked its way to rest across her shoulders as the little blunette swallowed her sobs. "Lu told her it was fine, that she was happy for her."

"Juvia doesn't think it is Lisanna's fault alone. It is also Juvia's fault and Levy's fault for not realizing how Love Rival felt."

"In that case, it's everyone's fault." Cana slurred. "Now haul your sorry assess off your chairs and find Lucy!"

The guild scrambled to flip pages and hover over charts. A new desperation filled their movements, now that the stakes were clear. Erza put in more effort, going as far as buying enough pairs of speed-reading glasses for the entire guild. Gray muttered an apology to Lisanna before taking it onto himself to organize search patrols, grouping three people and giving them a lacrima. Four groups went out before Lisanna came up to him with the decision to head out on her own.

"Are you sure, Lisanna?" Gray glances at her long enough for her to catch to distraught in his eyes. He still blamed himself. She nodded firmly.

"Yes. I'll go as an independent, so I won't have to return to the guild. I'll update you with any leads I get." She sketched out a rough plan for the beginning of her journey and he nodded, much to her relief.

"Sure. Take a lacrima with you."

"I will." Lisanna gently squeezed his shoulder. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Gray. It's not only your fault." Without waiting for a response, she took off at a run, stopping by her room in Fairy Hills only to grab a few essentials and the money from her safe. She had reached the train station when she glimpsed a blotch of pink in the crowd of people: Natsu, leading his own search team. Lisanna quickly bought a ticket for the first leaving train and slipped into an empty compartment, leaning away from the window to avoid being seen. She knew Natsu blamed himself, but, not knowing how to deal with his feelings, he would take it out on her, and that was not something she wanted right now. She wasn't sure if she would be able to keep her cool in a confrontation like that.

When the train began to move, she glimpsed the same blotch of pink boarding a train that was headed in the opposite direction. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and pulled out the curse reference book, focusing completely on the words. Any clue would be more than vital if Lisanna was to find, and save, her friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

It's been a hard month. Brenna is no easy trainer, that's for sure, but she's a hardened survivor and there's no better teacher than the untamed wild. We camped out in the woods, hunted for our food, and trained under the sun and stars. It was hard, but it was perfect.

"Round three!" Brenna called from her position on the branch and I braced myself for a third round of ups and downs. Tree climbing proved to be a deadly weakness, considering the amount of lethal critters that roamed the ground. The piercing whistle sounded and I pulled myself up the rough bark, my fingers searching for anything that would help. When I reached her branch I slid down, gaining blister after blister and splinter after splinter. It hurt, but tomorrow it would hurt less. The ten minutes of the round passed in a blur and when the whistle sounded again I quickly slid down and leaned a bleeding palm against the trunk, working to catch my breath.

"How was it?" I panted as Brenna nimbly scaled down the trunk to stand beside me.

"Not bad. Seven repetitions." She showed me seven fingers and I rolled my eyes. What was I, a kindergartener? "Let's go wash off and then run."

Oh, yes. Running was pure bliss compared to the rest of my life. Just me, the thumping of my feet, and the burn spreading through my legs. We took a quick dip in a nearby lake and set off at a run, our clothes drying on our backs. After a couple miles Brenna called break and we walked for ten minutes before starting up again.

As my physical strength improved, controlling the pain had started to become easier. Unfortunately, each time I thought I had gain a step the agony would leap three more, leaving me behind again. Brenna was getting better, her episodes more or less stable as I gave her tips to hold the pain down, but mine kept getting worse. Life was unfair. I took it in stride and lived to see another day. Easy peasy.

We managed to figure out that the pain tended to really surface once or twice a week, and if our lives had been particularly rough it would sometimes pound in a good three times. There was no pattern, no way to prepare. We just had to hope that we were calm when it jumped on us, otherwise it would be a tough struggle.

We rediscovered our camp and I started the fire while Brenna got extra dry wood. A sudden thought struck me as I was setting the hare meat above the crackling flames, and I turned to my partner.

"Say, what magic do you use?" I asked. Brenna had used magic several times, but I could never pinpoint the type.

"I'm a jack of all trades, I guess. I know some illusion, transformation, and basic teleportation magic. Oh, and pict magic, but my main is illusion magic." She spoke thoughtfully and I fought a grin.

"So that ferocious dog was an illusion?"

"Yeah." She shrugged off her sweater and draped it around her shoulders before leaning back against a fallen tree. Her fingers absentmindedly pulled her hair to the front and began to braid it, perfect coils forming a russet chain.

"Cool. What's for tomorrow?" I flipped the hare meat.

"Sparring, running, and diving." She ticked off the items in the list. I groaned inwardly – diving was my greatest enemy. She could hold her breath for over ten minutes, while I could barely manage six.

"Wonderful." It came out as a mutter and Brenna grinned.

"I know you love it, Lucy." She teased. I rolled my eyes, tipping the center chunk of rabbit to check the underside. Once I was satisfied that the meat was cooked, I pulled it away from the flames and handed two pieces to Brenna while keeping the other two for myself. We ate our dinner in a comfortable silence, our conversation replaced by the crackling of the flames.

"How did you get cursed?" I asked, taking care to swallow before speaking. Brenna had no such worries and answered my question while tearing into her piece of hare meat.

"Oh, that's right, I never told you. To sum up my childhood, I had immense daddy issues. I didn't hold that pain in until he took away my dog to 'teach me a lesson' after I told him I hated him." She licked her fingers clean and set down her plate. "I began to realize that if I let him know of my pain he would make it worse."

"So the same basic principle." I clarified. She nodded.

"Yep. I ran, but he managed to curse me. Apparently, his genius plan was that I would be forced to come back to get rid of the curse. Contrary to his plan, he died before I became desperate enough to return. So, I'm stuck with the curse and no way out of it." She finished with a dramatic eye roll and a flick of her wrist. I giggled at her exaggeration – we both knew that she wasn't stuck with the curse. She just had to find someone who would listen. I was more than willing to be that person, but Brenna refused and told me that I already had enough on my plate as is.

"Do you know who?" My eyes followed a spark as it floated out of the campfire.

"Yeah, I have an idea." Her tone was slightly wistful. "What about you?"

"I…" A memory of Natsu in my old apartment, smiling while robbing my fridge, surfaced and the pain squirmed under its binds. "Give me a moment."

She nodded and I stood, walking into the darkness that made up the woods around us. My jaw clenched and my nails bit into my palms, sweat forming on my hairline as I struggled with my emotions. The world began to blur and weave in mindless patterns, forcing me to use a tree for support. More once-pleasant memories bubbled up and tears slid down my cheeks. I wanted to hurt someone, anyone. I wanted them to feel the same pain. I caught myself and squished the vengeful desire under my thumb, mashing it repeatedly until it was no more than a speck of dirt. The pain settled back down in the little black box and I let out a long sigh, barely audible over the sounds of the woods. I forced myself to relax, enjoying the rare moment of peaceful solitude that followed each hit.

"Lucy?" Brenna's voice reached me slowly, like it had to break through several walls first.

"I'm good." I whispered, more to reassure myself than anything else, before turning my back to the woods and making my way back to our campfire. Large emerald eyes caught my own.

"I think it's pretty obvious who it is." She said softly. I nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

"But how can I tell him if just thinking about him makes me want to rip people to shreds?" I muttered, sitting down next to her and leaning my head on her shoulder.

"We just have to get stronger. You know, it'll be much easier for me." Brenna finished with a tease to her words.

"Huh?"

"The dead listen better than anyone, Lucy."

"You're going to speak to his grave?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I haven't decided yet." Brenna began braiding again. She had a very interesting habit of plaiting her hair when thinking, and most of the time she didn't notice until someone pointed it out for her.

"We should go to bed. You spent all that time planning out a nice little torture session for me, and I'd hate to miss it." I drawled, moving to unroll my sleeping bag.

"Har-de-har-har. Hilarious, lady Lucy. You should consider being a prison comedian as a profession." Brenna answered with just as much sarcasm, if not more, and pulled out her own sleeping bag. We stretched out on opposite sides of the campfire, heads facing the same way. Soap wasn't in overabundance, and sleeping with stinky feet to the face was next to impossible for both of us.

"Brenna?"

"Hm?" Her voice was muffled by her sleeping bag, and I turned to face her so she would hear my question clearly.

"How do you think it's all going to play out?" I murmured, slightly afraid of the answer. Orange danced in Brenna's eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" Her tone was dead serious. That was enough of an answer for me. It would be very, very hard.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you could pat my head and tell me it's going to be alright." I drawled, smirking. Brenna's lips twitched upwards in the beginning of a grin, but, as usual, they collapsed halfway there. I've never seen her smile, rather glimpsing ghosts of grins and smirks in her eyes or catching the occasional lift of her lips.

"Nah. It's way more fun to exaggerate it in the other direction." She paused for drama. "It'll be so painful, it'll feel like you're being ripped apart, rebuilt, and then rebuilt again. You'll scream forever and ever and ever and it'll never stop!"

I couldn't help but laugh. Our jokes might have taken on sour touches, but they fit our situation pretty well. Brenna helped me get through each day, and I helped her. We both knew there was someone else who understood, and that did wonders.

"Sure. And pigs will fly." I shot back.

"We can test that theory." Brenna replied, a challenge in her eyes. I blinked twice and cracked a large smile. Something bearing more resemblance to a real smirk crossed Brenna's face.

"Is the great and mighty Brenna actually smiling?" I teased, yanking the sleeping bag over my head as her stare turned a scary combination of deadly and playful.

"Luuucy! Hiding, are we?" Brenna's voice was way closer the before. I peeked out to see her directly above me and couldn't stop the involuntary jump of my shoulders.

"Brenna!" I swatted at her and she dodged my hit with lazy ease. I began to untangle myself from my sleeping bag to go and chase after her when a floodwave of very familiar heat washed over me. We both froze, eyes locked on the darkness from which the wave had come from. The pain ripped free of its restraints and tore at me, demanding vengeance.

"Lucy?" Brenna's eyes jumped from the darkness to me and back. I put a finger to my lips and mouthed, "We need to hurry." Without a moment of doubt, Brenna rolled up her sleeping bag and fastened the loose end with two straps. Five handfuls of dirt were enough to squash the remains of our fire. I stuffed our supplies into our backpacks, my hands automatically distributing the content for equal weight while Brenna took care of my sleeping bag. We were up and moving in less than two minutes, our scents covered up by several branches laden with stinky fruit and not a trace of our presence left behind.

My pace picked up until I was sprinting through the trees, my pack tight on my shoulders and my hands pumping freely. Brenna ran beside me, occasionally swerving away to avoid an obstacle of some sort. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep silent as the pain raged away inside. The forest began to swirl and I pushed harder, focusing on the physical exertion rather than on the pain. The outright agony subsided to a persistent throb and I knew that the moment I let myself relax it would come rushing back. To my relief, Brenna didn't ask me if I was okay. She had been teaching me to never lie about my feelings, but saying the truth might just send me over and it was more than obvious that I wasn't okay.

We kept running, trying to put as much distance between us and the source of the heat. I couldn't bring myself to even think of his name, worried that it might be too much. I stumbled once and Brenna was there to catch me, pulling me to my feet without breaking her pace. She really was my rock, more than she knew. Our mindless flight led us straight into the waiting arms of another threat – a family of Vulcans.

I skidded to a halt, Brenna nearly wrenching my arm out of its socket as her feet slid a few feet farther than mine. We began the typical staring contest, each group deciding on what they felt like doing. I locked gazes with the big guy, a massive stone ugly more than thrice my height. His arms were far too big for his body and I used that to my advantage, running up to his face while striking all the tender spots I could reach. The Vulcan bellowed in pain and my heel came into contact with his nose. The bone shattered with a hard crunch and I was thrown off as the Vulcan raised his hands up to his injury. A quick glance told me that Brenna had engaged two decently sized Vulcans while four mini Vulcans watched in confusion. I felt a twinge of sympathy for them before the big guy took up my attention again. I aimed a strong hit at the back of his knee with my left hand while my right uncoiled the whip form my waist. I managed to hit a tender spot with my follow-through kick and the Vulcan's knee buckled, allowing me to send a sharp slice to his face with my whip. It took three hits for his eyes to glaze over and the giant toppled to the ground, knocked out cold.

"Luce?" I heard him say my name and against all common sense I spun around to face him. Onyx eyes stared at me in disbelief and awe, a few spikes of pink waving in front of them. I missed my guild, I missed _him_ , even if I couldn't admit it. I watched his look change to worry and horror as a bloodcurdling scream was torn from my mouth, the pain coming back with enough force to knock out a small army. He ran forward, but Brenna beat him to it. Her fist collided solidly with the side of his face and sent him sprawling.

"Stay away from her!" she hissed, emerald eyes deadly. She ran up to me and I immediately noticed the large blotch of purple on her shoulder.

"Brenna…" I tried to ask her about the bruise, but she yanked me to my feet. It was all I could do to stop myself from attacking him.

"Lucy, focus on me. We're going to run, okay? Think about the run." Brenna pulled me away from him and I forced my feet to move, pulling ahead of her in a dead sprint. One foot in front of the other. One in front of the other. I counted my flying steps, taking my mind away from him. The pain gurgled and drowned, having no more triggers to build on as my focus shifted elsewhere.

"Luce!" His voice shattered all of my barriers and locks. I went rolling, the pain eating me alive. The new pain was nothing compared to what was trying to devour me from the inside out. Brenna swore and grabbed my wrist.

"Hold on, Lucy." she muttered. A soft blue glow surrounded us and the next moment I was being wrenched into a pitch-black tunnel. Nothing had any feel to it, or any dimension. It was all plain darkness. As fast as I had entered the tunnel, a blinding flash of light signaled the end and I tumbled out onto a field of cropped grass, Brenna spilling out beside me. My wrist was still in her death grip, which she promptly slackened. I took the opportunity to vomit.

"Gah…" I attempted to wash away the taste with spit. Needless to say, I failed miserably. "Did you teleport us?"

"Yeah. I had to get us out of there before you lost it." Brenna leaned back on her elbows and squinted apologetically at the puddle of vomit.

"Thanks." I mumbled, at loss for what to say. I'd known it would be hard, but just how hard was it? I couldn't even look at him without withering on the spot.

"Hey." Brenna's hand slipped under my chin and forced my face up so she could look me in the eye. "Think of that little episode as a baseline. You'll have to work your way up from there."

I nodded, determination flooding through me. It was only the first month, after all. Brenna gave me a half-smile and I shot her a full grin in return. We'd work our way out together, and soon we'd be completely free of the curse. Fairy Tail would just have to wait some more.


	5. Chapter 5

Natsu scrambled to his feet. His vision was still swimming from the blow he'd taken to the side of his face. No one had ever hit him hard enough to make his eyes water, but that girl did. Why did she tell him to stay away from Lucy? Lucy was his partner while the girl was a stranger. Right?

But he'd heard Lucy say the girl's name. Lucy had been worried about the girl – he could see it in her eyes when she'd seen the girl's bruise. Was the girl Lucy's new partner? Natsu didn't like the idea of sharing Lucy with some random girl.

Lucy. She was so much stronger now. She didn't even use her spirits to fight the Vulcan. And that girl had taken on two female Vulcans on her own while Lucy handled the male. They worked together like they had been doing it for most of their lives. Natsu shook his head. He needed to find Lucy again, before that girl did anything.

But where did they go? There was that weird blue light and then they both vanished. Their scents were just cut off. They definitely weren't invisible. Did they teleport? But that was a lost art. What were the chances of that girl knowing how to teleport two people?

"Natsu?" A new voice rang out, accompanied by an all too familiar scent. It had the faintest traces of cat in it, but that was the form she preferred. "Natsu, are you okay?"

"Yeah." He tried to sound normal. Lisanna had one hand on the trunk of tree and her entire body screamed tension. She focused on him, but her eyes told him that she was ready to run.

"Did you find Lucy?" she asked gently. He nodded silently and her tension increased.

"I'm sorry, Lisanna," he mumbled. She blinked several times while she processed his words. "It wasn't your fault she had to leave. It was mine."

"No, Natsu, it—"

"You didn't see her!" he shouted. Lisanna took an involuntary step forward. "She screamed when she saw me. She screamed in pain!"

"Natsu!"

His hands pulled at his hair. "Her curse, it's all my fault!"  
"NATSU!" Lisanna took the last few steps and pulled his hands down. She would've slapped him, but it might make the situation worse. "Natsu, look at me." He kept his eyes down. Ignoring his refusal to comply, she kept going. "It's your fault, yes, but not all of it. Erza and Gray are at fault too. They agreed to replace Lucy, and they told her that she was weak. It's Juvia's, Levy's and my fault for not realizing how she felt during the week after you took her off the team. It's everybody's fault for not realizing that she took the death of her father too well. She barely cried, never took time off. She always smiled, laughed, and said she was okay. It's her fault for lying about her feelings. You aren't the only one to blame, Natsu. Taking all the blame onto yourself won't help anyone, especially not Lucy. Okay?"

Natsu nodded. Lisanna let out a long sigh and pushed him to sit. He complied, but reluctantly. Lisanna set up a campsite for the two, spreading out her pack and Natsu's. She let him figure out his feelings while she took care of the campfire and started to warm up some cooked fish Mirajane had given her for her trip.

"Lisanna?"

"Hm?" Lisanna glanced up from the fire, focusing on her travel partner.

"Luce had someone with her."

"Who?"

"I dunno." Natsu shrugged. "She punched me and told me to stay away from Luce."

"She'd probably Lucy's new friend. It's easier and more fun to travel with someone." Lisanna flipped the fish, letting the smell drift up to her.

"She grabbed Luce's wrist, and then they both vanished."

Lisanna glanced up sharply. "Was there blue light?" Natsu nodded glumly. "A teleportation mage, huh?"

"I though that was a lost art." Natsu moved to the fire and scooped up a handful of the flames, slowly sucking them up.

"So is your dragon slayer magic." Lisanna pointed out.

"I guess." He mumbled around the fire in his mouth. Lisanna rolled her eyes and pulled the fish off, tossing one to Natsu. He caught it in his bare hand and stuffed it in right after finishing the flames. Lisanna, not having burn-resistant skin, used a stick to spear the fish and then let it cool slightly before nibbling on the tip.

"You know, Natsu, I think that the curse hurts Lucy when she sees you because she has… stronger feelings for you than the rest of the guild." Lisanna prodded the topic with a wary finger. Natsu looked at her in confusion.

"Huh?"

"You're more than a friend to Lucy."

"Well, duh. She's my partner." Natsu went back to eating his fish. He knew what Lisanna meant, but he didn't know how to deal with it. Especially since he though he felt the same way about Lucy.

"Think about it Natsu. Good night." Lisanna bit off the last of her fish and crawled into her sleeping bag. Natsu watched her fall asleep, his mind firmly locked on Lucy. Did she really feel the same way?

We kept walking past sunset. Neither felt really tired, even though the episode with Natsu should've left me exhausted. I guess I had too much worry to relax. I wasn't sure I would last through another encounter with him, so we kept going. Brenna's hand was firmly clasped around mine and she would occasionally start a light jog, slowing down the moment my breathing became heavier. Rather that tiring me out, the short bursts of running refreshed me and kept my mind away from the pain.

"I think…" Brenna paused, shooting quick glances to the sides. "I think I know where we are."

She swerved to the side, pulling me along with her. A few minutes of branch dodging and plant stomping later, she crouched next to twin tree stumps and pulled back a chunk of grass. A thick plaited support was under the dirt, and the roots kept the grass from falling away. The hidden cover revealed the stumps to be part of a ladder that led into the darkness of the underground. Brenna let go of my hand and slipped down, becoming little more than a smudge in the darkness.

"Brenna?" I called, one foot on the ladder. A match flared to life with a heated hiss and revealed an unpolished wood floor.

"Come on down." Brenna's voice floated up to me and I slipped down after her. The bunker was impressive and completely unexpected. Pale wood walls met with a plain wood floor. The ladder came down roughly in the center of the wall, and a kitchenette complete with a fridge and a portable picnic heater took up the space to my right. On the left there were two worn couches and a matching armchair, all beige with dark wood outlines. Above the couches, the wall was covered with a hanging bookshelf. Tomes of all thickness crowded for space on the roughly carved shelves. A small platform took up the space by the far wall. To the left stood a bunk bed and a desk, while a door led to a smaller room on the right. I guessed it to be a bathroom.

"Wow." I dropped my pack next to Brenna's and watched her check the empty fridge.

"Yeah. I used this last year, and I made furniture in my free time. We won't use the fridge or the stove – they take up too much time to get started and if we have to leave quickly, I don't want to come back to rotting food or a burnt bunker. The bathroom is over there," she jerked a thumb at the smaller room, "and nothing there works."

"Got it."

"We should just stay above ground. If we're found, we can hide out in here, but it'll be easier for both of us if we don't have to return here all the time. There's a town nearby, so how about we crash here for the rest of the night and then see if we can snag a job in the morning?"

"Yes ma'am." I saluted and Brenna rolled her eyes. We quickly unzipped our sleeping bags and had a fight over the top bunk. I won, but Brenna promised to make my life miserable for the rest of the night. Ignoring her threats, I crawled onto the thin mattress and cocooned myself in my bag, enjoying the warmth. Sleep took over almost immediately. I had no idea how tired I really was until my eyes closed.

I awoke to the feeling of a lump in the mattress painfully massaging my lower back. Further investigation revealed the lump to be Brenna's toe, and she was poking me from the lower bunk. I wasted no time in jumping down to the ground and throwing my rolled up sleeping bag at her face. She was caught unawares and took the full hit. With a playful growl, she leapt out from under her sleeping bag and tackled me. We rolled around in a violent little snowball until my arm collided with the bathroom door and I pulled out of the spat with a hiss. The skin was already turning red and Brenna didn't look apologetic in the slightest.

"C'mon, let's go. It's nearing noon right about now." Brenna rolled up her sleeping bag, clipped in to her pack, and pulled the pack onto her shoulders. I did the same, taking great pains to avoid aggravating the rapidly forming bruise on my wrist, and we climbed out through the hidden latch. I took a moment to adjust to the bright sunlight and we set off at a light jog, Brenna leading me through the maze of a forest. By the time we reached the outskirts of the town, we were both slightly sweaty and bore obvious signs on the woods on out clothes. We took a moment to clean up, pulling twigs out of our hair and sticky plants from our clothes, before entering the town.

"What's the town called?" I asked. It was small, compared to Magnolia or Hargeon, The buildings were well kept and the streets, all cobbled, were clean. People wandered around, visiting the many shops that lined the sidewalks and the stalls that took up any leftover space.

"Acari. It's a good way away from where we met him." Brenna led me to the center square, a large, open rectangle that teemed with people. A large wooden board covered in little white papers stood between an inn and a restaurant. People crowded in front of the board and occasionally snagged a paper. Those that took a job left, presumably to find the employers. A few slipped into the inn or restaurant. Some started fights over requests, barely any of which escalated into full out brawls. It was a huge reminder of Fairy Tail, but as long as I didn't bring up any names, there was no pain.

Brenna pulled me through the crowd until we were right in front of the board. I scanned the requests: monster hunts, deciphering, bodyguarding, treasure hunting, finding a missing person, and even babysitting. I caught a couple dog-walking requests sitting side by side with jobs that asked to exterminate a dark guild. This was one odd request board.

"How about this one?" Brenna tapped a flyer that promised a hefty payment of seven hundred thousand Jewels. All we had to do was apprehend five roadside thieves. I gave her a thumbs up and she pulled the flyer off before taking my hand again and practically yanking me towards the inn. She let go to push the door open and I followed her in.

The room was large and dim. I could make out a bar in the far corner, lined with uniform barstools. Tables with two to four chairs took up most of the room, and a small platform acted like a stage in the corner to my right. Booths lined the left wall. People's features were hidden by the dim lights, but most were facing the stage and listening to the acoustic music. Brenna made her way over to a free booth and swept past the bar, ordering two lemon waters. The bartender nodded without looking up and we slid into the booth. Our drinks were served the moment we were settled.

"This place is called the Hanure Inn. People come here to rest after a job or just to kill time before going out on one." Brenna explained as the bartender placed our glasses onto the table. She thanked him and he left while she took an experimental sip. I tried the water and sighed in content. The amount of lemon was perfect.

"So what's the job about?" I asked. Brenna narrowed her eyes at the flyer. It refused to jump up and explain itself.

"A group of five thieves is ruining trade business. People are afraid to use the main road, so less traders come in. It's also giving the town a bad reputation. We'll have to speak to the mayor first," she read, squinting at the small font. I nodded slowly and took another long sip. "We can use jobs to train. It'll round out your skills more, and also introduce the real-world factor."

"Well then, let's get started, shall we?" I grinned at her. To my utter shock and surprise, she gave me a full smile in return.


End file.
